Why I hate going to the mall.

Today I went and got the last present for Christmas shopping of the year. It is so fun to purchase things simply to give them away to others. :)

However, this gift was at the mall.

I hate going to the mall, and here is why… (This is code for incoming negative/sarcastic rant. ;) )

1. The traffic. I don’t know what it is about mall parking lots, but it seems as soon as other drivers enter, they forget their driver’s ed training and year of experience. Not only did I get cut off twice,  but go honked at for stopping so I didn’t hit the “womantalkingonhercellphoneand didn’tlookbeforecrossingtheroadperson”. In addition to fighting the crazies, you have to find a spot to park. I think there is big money to be made with a mall valet service… just sayin.

2. The Crowds. If the people in their cars weren’t bad enough… did you know they are even worse out of the car and in the shopping center? They are. You essentially have three types of people.
First, the swiss. No, I don’t mean the nationality, I mean the people who have so many holes in them you’d think they were a fine cheese. Or at least they were going for a cheesy look. This species can be identified by the slouching posture against wall, captivation by smartphone screens, and general look of disgust of the world. They often travel in packs for protection.
The second group is the majority, the “American shopper”. This species is hard to identify based on looks, as they wear everything from pajamas to suits. There are several subspecies in this category, but most can be identified by the rushed/face pace walk, the general disregard for other beings in their area, and the general carrying of numerous packages. Don’t get in their way, because they won’t stop.
The third and final group is almost extinct, or hard to find because of the infrequency of visting the mall habitat. This is called the “Owl Shopper”. No, they don’t come out at night. Rather, these people avoid large shopping crowds whenever possible. They simply swoop in, grab their item of choice (after finding it through a friend of online), and quickly and silently leave the mall. Often more labor is put into getting to the gift than actually selecting it. They are often pushed around by the “American Shopper” Because of their inexperience in large shopping crowds.

3. The smell. I don’t know about you, but perfume, auti Jen’s Pretzels, the shoe store, and that… Abercrombie and Fitch smell… make me want to gag every-time I walk into the mall. By themselves, those smell are great. (Save for Abercrombie and fitch) But combined? Can I have a mask? Please?

I could go on, but so you don’t think I am completely insane, I’ll stop.

There is only one reason I’ll go to a mall save for presents…
That is Chick-Fil-a.

Goodnight and until tomorrow….

Austin

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